A Lot Of People Are Quite Awful...

So.  This wasn't quite the post I was planning to write.

I had something semi drafted about shippers and shipping and then a little event happened (which was glorious and lovely) and I thought 'no one needs to read my nonsense'.  But then this fandom did what it does best - show it's ass 😐 

I am a shipper.  I ship Sam and Caitriona.  I have shipped them, albeit unknowingly, from seeing the very first pic of them I ever saw after googling the show (it's up the top there).  I did my time on Tumblr, I did my time fighting with Antis.  I still do actually ship them and likely will for all time.  Why?  Because they are soulmates.  They love each other.  Which is very different from BEING in love with each other.  Their friendship, their cuteness, their bond...all of that is still there and still worth squeeing over.  They do not actually have to be a real life couple for you to continue to ship.  Just don't be a dick about it.

But Caitriona is now married and it's not to Sam.  Sam, we have been lead to believe..., is enjoying his single status and may be alone but perhaps is never lonely 👀  That's how things are.

And now wee baby Balfe has made his entrance into the world and omg what a joy!  I am so happy for Caitriona and Tony. 

Look at that...a shipper congratulating him by name, my my.

Have I always been kind about him?  No I haven't.  Am I proud of that?  Not especially, but it is what it is.  All I can do is own my behaviour and try to be better.  Would that some others could do the same.

So the goalposts have now shifted somewhat, no?  With this lovely event you would think that those who are maybe not so content to stop their shipping at squeeing over some SamCait cuteness would maybe back the fuck off?  You know who I mean.  The secret marriage, hidden baby crowd.  The 'look at this massive conspiracy that is being woven by SamCait and TPTB to hide and lie and deceive and gaslight and and and'  Oh they are all such liars, they need to be exposed!  But fear not! For not everyone is blind to this Machiavellian scheming, oh no!  They have seen through it all.  They've deciphered the clues.  They KNOW people.  They KNOW things.  Oh things that they can only really reveal via vague innuendo but THINGS for sure.

To quote another show - you know nothing Jon Snow.

It took me a long while to realise that no one has sources.  No one.  No one in Sam or Caitriona's inner circle - or even outer circle - is rushing to the inboxes of random tumblr blogs to spill all their secrets.  Because people who truly care for them protect them.  Look at how the entire cast and crew kept Caitriona's pregnancy a secret...well aside from whichever scum bag decided their five minutes of fame on Deux Moi was worth more than protecting a person's privacy.  But that is a gossip page with a million followers.  Not a tumblr blog with a few thousand, at best.

One thing about sources was how they always conveniently happened to pop up when something happened to rock the ship.  It's almost as if those blogs were making it up so that they could continue to feed the followings that they had garnered....

But I digress.  As it turns out, Caitriona's announcement did nothing to stop the secret marriage/hidden baby crowd.  In actual fact I fear it may have made them lose their actual fucking minds.

If someone announces the birth of their child and your first instinct is to question who the father is...please just fuck off.  Like all the way.  And then continue fucking off. She is married and it's not to Sam.  He is not the baby's father.  Occam's razor.  Look it up.  

Firstly, he's been off in Mexico and now LA for at least the past month.  Assuming bb Balfe was born if not the day before the announcement then a few weeks ago that would mean Sam left the country as his child was about to be born.  Do dedicated husbands and fathers really do that?  LOL well according to some moron in my twitter mentions they do.  Totes normal.  NO IT ISN'T

Secondly, well...she never mentioned her husband's name so y'know we can't help but fill in the blanks.  With our own preferred choice.  So be aware, unless you are constantly referring to your husband (who lest we forget has been a constant target in this fandom so why the hell would you mention him) it's perfectly acceptable for people to just assume you are married to Sam.  

The usual awful suspects have of course been tagging both Sam and Caitriona in their awfulness.  Because they are awful.  Also because they know the TRUTH and they (Sam and Caitriona) need to be 'exposed'.  The one advantage of this behaviour is that they aren't hiding it.  On the contrary they are shouting it from the rooftops and making sure everyone knows what they are saying.  It makes them very easy to block.  And yes of course they are enjoying the attention, but it's also past time that they stop.  They are a blight.  They are not shippers, not fans and certainly not decent human beings.  

The people who bother me more are the ones who are writing measured, considered, quite intelligent blog posts.  Apparently since no one is being tagged in these posts that's fine.  Sam and Caitriona will never know what is being said, never hear these opinions.  Ahem, excuse me for shouting but QUESTIONING A NEW BORN CHILD'S PATERNITY IS NOT JUST A MATTER OF OPINION. Opinions are for when the new season airs and you are discussing an episode.  Opinions are for red carpet outfits.  Opinions are for what do you think the Sassenach's flavour profile is.  YOU, any of you, do not get to have an OPINION on the paternity of this child.  You do not.  No one in the real world would ever stand for some random stranger coming up to them and saying 'oh hey I don't think your husband is the father to your kids, I think it's that guy over there JUST MY OPINION'

Saying something is 'just' your opinion doesn't make it any less insulting and hurtful.  You aren't just expressing an opinion, you are calling her a liar, an adulterer, tacitly or not.  That is what you are doing.  An intelligently written post is just as damaging as the screeching hellions tagging them in tweets.  Because it continues to perpetuate the lie.  Your lie, not theirs.  They aren't the ones lying.

So we are now at the point where I have read an awful lot of awful things written by awful people.  It's okay to admit you are wrong, that you maybe didn't know as much as you thought you did.  That, actually, no they aren't secretly married and they aren't simultaneously hiding their children while also casting them in the show to portray babies on screen.  It's okay to admit you are sad that Sam and Caitriona aren't a couple.  What it is not okay to do is blame them for that.

No one forces a person to ship.  No one.  I made my choice and was - and am - happy in it.  But it was MY choice.  Neither Sam nor Caitriona made you do this.  In fact, both have expressed how, as long as it's done respectfully, they don't mind it.  And, as said previously, you can still ship them in spite of them not being together.  People still ship Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny. Likewise Kate Winslet and Leonardo Di Caprio and likely many others. The conspiracy theories are not necessary.

I think - and this is me having one of those pesky opinions! - that by far the majority of those who are still pushing the narrative that they are a secret couple are doing so because they want the attention.  They've gotten a taste of it, and they want and need it to continue.  I've been there, albeit in a much smaller way.  Way back in my tumblr days I was considered a voice of reason...HAHAHAHAHA oh dear.  But people wanted to read what I had to say on the drama du jour and that can make you feel quite powerful.  Multiply that by how much attention one must garner when you are 'in the know', to have that go away, I can't imagine it's a nice feeling.  You are important...and then you aren't.

The trouble comes when what they 'know' doesn't tally with what Sam and Caitriona are doing in their actual lives.  Too many times I've seen people turn spiteful towards them because by - shock horror! - just living their lives it contradicts the message that they want to get out there.  And if they are wrong too many times, people start questioning if they really know anything at all.  Spoiler - they never do.

My hope is that at some point in the coming days a few people will have a moment of clarity and realise that, actually, writing posts where they are disputing the paternity of an actual new born infant and calling into question the morals of his mother might not actually be the brilliant hot take they think it is.  For too long people have acted like Sam and Caitriona are not human beings.  Being famous doesn't stop you from hurting when people write shit about you.  And no it's not something they should just expect and put up with. Legitimate criticism is one thing, people coming up with increasingly elaborate theories about their lives is quite another.

(it's been pointed out by others, but there is a correlation between a fair number of SamCait conspiracists and those who believe Trump won the 2020 election.  I assume that some people are more just more susceptible to such things...)

By far the majority of shippers I know are utterly thrilled for Caitriona and Tony.  By far the majority of shippers in this fandom are kind and decent people who just want all of them to be happy and to be left alone to squee over cute videos and pics.  A bit of wishful thinking never hurt anyone (ymmv, I guess).  For too long shippers have been the pariahs of this fandom and the actions of a small minority have left the rest of us being judged by the same standards.  We aren't monsters.  We love both Sam and Caitriona dearly.  We want them to be happy.  I want them to be happy.  I adore bb Balfe even though I've literally seen just his hand. I know who his dad is.  I hope that Sam will become his favourite funkle and Munro bagging and mini motorbikes are in his future 😊.  And that is enough.